If you have low self-esteem, confidence can seem like something you’ll never get. However, there is a major secret to all confident women out there…
None of them were born that way. In fact, they’ve worked really, really hard to become confident and resilient. Fancy giving it a go? Here are some starters from some of our favourite confident women out there.
1. They embrace failure
“Failure is an important part of your growth and developing resilience. Don’t be afraid to fail” – Michelle Obama
Don’t be afraid to fail at something, instead, use that failure to see how you can improve next time. It’s a life lesson, not something to be ashamed of – and all confident women have definitely had a fail at some point in their life.
2. They’re comfortable in their own skin
“You look how you look. Be comfortable. What are you going to do? Be hungry every single day to make other people happy? That’s just dumb.” – Jennifer Lawrence
Confident women have learnt to love the body they’re in. Yes, this isn’t easy, but being on a constant diet isn’t either… If you need some help in this department, follow some of the many body positivity Instagrammers out there for a daily of inspiration. Our faves include @bodyposipanda, @i_weigh, @laurathomasphdand @nerdabouttown
3. They don’t apologise – unless they’re wrong
“I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, OK.” — Madonna
How many times a day do you utter the word sorry? Way too many we’re betting. As women, we’re programmed to apologise for everything, even when we didn’t do something wrong. Confident women don’t apologise when asking for a pay rise. They don’t apologise for saying no to something. In fact, the only time they’ll say sorry is when they genuinely mean it. Try it today – it’s pretty darn empowering.
4. They look after themselves
“I remind myself to be kind to myself, and as slightly ridiculous as it may sound, to treat myself in the same gentle way I’d want to treat a daughter of mine. It really helps.”— Emma Stone
Self-care is super important for feeling more balanced. It’s easier to have compassion for others, but you need to treat yourself kindly if you want to feel better about life and become more confident – so don’t feel bad about booking in that manicure or a night out with friends, these are the things that all help on our journey to confidence!
5. They do things their way
“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” — Katharine Hepburn
Following the herd is the safe option. Women who are strong and successful make their own rules and follow their own path. If you want to take up tap dancing, do it? Don’t let your friends or family tell you that you can’t.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” — Maya Angelou
Confident women have the desire and energy to change those things in their life that they are not happy with. Making a life that gives you happy joy is a major step to confidence, however, there are often things you can’t change – an angry boss, a long commute, an interfering in-law. Moaning about those things doesn’t help anyone and just engulfs you in negativity – instead, make like a confident woman would do and change your attitude instead. That angry boss may be going through something awful at home, the long commute allows you to read and the interfering in-law is just trying to help…
7. They have mentors
“Surround yourself with people and things that inspire you. Learn everything you can” — Jameela Jamil
While you can do a lot of work yourself on gaining self-esteem and confidence, most strong women don’t do it alone. They surround themselves with people they can learn from and feel inspired by. Whether that’s a boss at work, a group of positive friends or a life coach, find someone who will support you and help you grow.
8. They master their fears
“The key to my success has always been that my desire to succeed has always been greater than my fear. I’ve been scared to death about a lot of things, but then I think, ‘Okay, you gotta buckle up, girl. You’ve got yourself here, so get out there and just do it.’ — Dolly Parton
Yep, even confident women like Dolly are scared of things, but what do they do about it? They don’t run away that’s for sure, but they face their fears.
Try it yourself one day. What happens usually is that whatever you were scared of is never really that bad, plus facing that fear gives you a hole heap of – you’ve guessed it – confidence!
9. They work on being confident
“It’s just something you have to continue to work on. It’s a growth and a process. As long as you take every opportunity to learn more about yourself and fall more in love with yourself every day, you’re doing good!” – Zendaya
While some celebrities come out of the womb with huge self-esteem and gallons of confidence, many of them have to work at it!
Promise yourself that every day you’ll do one thing that helps your confidence. It could be anything from visualisations, creating your own affirmation or pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. And yes, reading this feature definitely counts as one step towards being that confident woman you’ve always wanted to be!
10. They sometimes fake it!
“Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will.” – Venus Williams
If faking it is good enough for a world tennis champion like Venus Williams, then it’s good enough for us! Don’t just take her word for it though.
A study done by two business professors from New York University and Columbia Business School proved that the way you think really affects how you act. Those people in their study who were primed with a confidence boosting exercise before joining a larger group, were seen as the most confident and were the most highly regarded overall in the group, proving you don’t have to be actually be full of confidence to appear fearless!
11. They turn their negative feelings around
“When I’m not feeling my best I ask myself, ‘What are you gonna do about it?’ I use the negativity to fuel the transformation into a better me.” – Beyonce
Yes, even Queen Bey has off days. The women who simply oozes confidence when she steps on stage, doesn’t feel like that every single day. However, her attitude is one we can all learn from.
On these ‘bleurgh’ days when your confidence is rock bottom, just think to yourself WWBD (What Would Beyonce Do)? While most of us can’t twerk or hit ridiculous high notes, what we can do is turn those negative thoughts around. Stop using them to beat ourselves up and instead, use them to see how we can improve something.
So, if you’re wishing that you’d spoken up in a meeting, learn from that. Why didn’t you speak up? If talking in large groups is intimidating, is there any other way you could contribute? Or perhaps you could take some public speaking lessons? Either way, navigate away from negative feelings and turn them into kick-ass confident busting lessons!
12. They don’t care what others think!
“Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions. Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.” – Tina Fey
Have you ever had a day when you start out feeling on top of the world, like your could conquer anything and by the end of the day – and several opinions later – feel like the wind has been taken out of your sails?
Our confidence shouldn’t rely on how others view us, but sadly in this Instagram world, we seem to validate ourselves on the opinions of those around us.
If that sounds like you, then you need to stop! You are your own person. As long as you’re acting on your morals, to your very best and realise that we all make mistakes, what others think of you should NEVER matter. Go forth and be you – and sod what anyone else thinks